The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
