just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dicks are not precious.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
