also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
