So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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