Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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