I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
