i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
