First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
