Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
