omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
