Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
