I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize