The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
