I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
