I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Found the puke drawer
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Who died my cat blue again?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
