I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Randomize
