Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
