Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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