another moral hangover. fuck.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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