I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
