office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
