My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
