I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
