Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize