I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
