ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
