you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
