It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
