i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
