he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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