Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
