He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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