someone threw a dead crab at me
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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