Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
