Pregnant stripper...not hot.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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