ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
