i just wanna soil my oats bro
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i was born a porn star she said
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
