please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
