she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize