When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
