I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
