i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You are the jesus of drinking
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
