dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My feet surprised me
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