I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
