It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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