I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I checked into jail on foursquare
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
