There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
