If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
