I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Houston, we have a squirter
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
