I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
