Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
