based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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