There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
