you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
