fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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