if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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