He told me they were just razor bumps!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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