OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
