U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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