Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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