I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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