is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
