so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
