the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
