Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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