I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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