Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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