im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
