I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
