You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
