Screwed.edu
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Your topless pictures make me question reality
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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