i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
