I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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