My liver just broke up with me...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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