Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
