I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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