he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Shame is for Republicans.
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