Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
