These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
